Kate Middleton

For those who don’t know her, she is the current girlfriend.. oops, Girlfriend of Prince William of Wales. Why am I writing all of a sudden about some girl who lives in another country and who’s done nothing worthy of writing about? Because, I live in India, and the news on British Royals is(almost) the only international news that makes it to the front page, other than day to day happenings in the US of A. (The latest one to catch my eye was an article on how Chelsy Davy informed Prince Harry that their relationship was over by changing the status of her Facebook profile. She, turns out, is much more sensible than Kate, but that’s for later.. maybe). The media frenzy surrounding the couple has reached to such alarming levels, that a few months ago, paparazzi chased the car in which the couple were travelling, reminiscent of the scene of Lady Diana’s death.

Kate Middleton was born to an ex airline stewardess and a pilot. She has a brother and a sister, and comes from a very middle class family (in its origins at least). Her parents started an online business selling party paraphernalia and they are now millionaires (www.partypieces.co.uk). She was apparently a brilliant student all her life. She attended the elite Marlborough College, where she stuck up a poster of Prince William in her dorm. She then attended St. Andrews University in Scotland, where she met William. They became friends, then fell in love and later shared housing. 

I admit it, I like her. The girl has the complete package. She’s undeniably beautiful, she’s got brains, she maintains her dignity, the media has followed her every footstep for the past seven years, yet she has never put a foot wrong (unlike her mother, sister and brother.. wonder where her dad is) her sauciest moment in life would have been when she strutted on the ramp in a charity fashion show in her university, in just her underwear, with William sitting in the front row. She has never once given an interview.. I am sure there are very few people who aren’t her friends and family who can claim they’ve heard her voice. 

She has an impeccable fashion sense

(She made it to the best dressed/style icon list in People’s magazine, Tatler, The Telegraph, Vanity Fair and more!) and has a wardrobe to die for. She has a real good looking, rich, famous Prince-of-hearts for a boyfriend. She showed the world her confidence when she re-emerged a couple of days after William shortly broke up with her, looking more attractive, being photographed all over London, and showing William-training-in-the-army exactly what he was missing. (Of course they got back together!)She has a lot of common sense(read stories about how she persuaded William not to quit university), and has been raised in a strong, 2-parent, close knit family, so unlike W, and she keeps him grounded.  Her exclusive photos sell for over 50,000 pounds! She even has a page on her in Wikipedia! And most of all, she provides the much needed glamour and sizzle in the Royally dull British empire. In short, she is perfect!

But wait, isn’t there an adage in Kate’s own ageless language? Nobody’s perfect. Of course nobody’s perfect. Then why is Kate always projected so? Only and only because there is a strong possibility, in the remote future that she could be, The Queen of England... someday. But I’ll tell you what’s wrong with her. She is 27 years old now. And she hasn’t had a real job till date. Her resume probably reads:

‘Kate Middleton, excellent performance throughout school, college, university. Worked for a couple of months as some-buyer for some-fashion-chain whose owners are close family friends, currently working for parents’ mail order company as ‘cyber chief’ ’ (“Kate Middleton has been promoted at Party Pieces:  After completing not one but two, short courses in computing Kate has now been promoted from compiling and editing catalogues to the dizzying heights of "website design editor and new business manager". It seems it didn't take much for Kate to impress her bosses who also happen to be her parents”.--- royaltruthforum.blogspot.com)

She lives with her parents, and she is only ever photographed shopping or weaving her way in and out of nightclubs!! (Considering the media frenzy surrounding her, you can virtually know when she sneezes, so this is all she apparently does). She doesn’t have a source of income.. I wonder where she gets all the money. Can any self respecting 27 year old girl (esp. one who is so much in the limelight) live off her parents or younger sister/brother? Or worse, her boyfriend?  She isn’t involved in any kind of charity work. The only thing she’s done that has come closest to being praiseworthy is join a Girls’ Chinese Dragon Race team and train for a charity match. She pulled out of it at the last moment on the advice of the Queen. (The team went on to set some world record, I don’t remember). She is so stark different from Chelsy, who runs away from paps. Kate is never knows to use the back exit of any place. She held her head high and conducted herself very well indeed when William broke up with her.. she knew exactly what the prince did after that(considering even I  know!), and yet, she’s back with him again. Prince William, for all his resemblance to his mother, is apparently a chip off his father’s old block.. Prince Charles, who famously remarked to Diana, ‘Do you want me to be the only Prince of Wales in history to not have a mistress?’ She has been nicknamed by the press as ‘Waity Katie’. She is doing nothing with her life, but simply waiting for her Prince to pop the question (if he does, I’m waiting for the wedding videos!).

And it’s not just Chelsy Davy or Kate Middleton(pictured together) who make it to the news. If you google either of these names, you will get results on the girls’ brothers’ antics, Kate’s sister, Pippa’s apparent ferociousness to climb the social ladder, their friends, their relatives, 3 or 4 girls whose names you would never want to hear again, a couple of guys, who names you can’t pronounce, in the news just because they saw these girls (at a nightclub, most likely).. people even remotely associated with these girls have their fifteen minutes..over and over again. Why, though?, I ask. The British royal family stands for everything that was. Today, it’s presence, although adds a little entertainment to the lives of common men like you and me, is totally unnecessary, downright to the point of being an extra burden on the taxpayer (Britain’s only, thankfully). Alright, I guess we can accept ‘culture’ and ‘tradition’ as answers for another half a century or more.

But, why Kate’s sister? What has she done? Except have a weird name, Pippa(short for Philippa). Why is the international media so obsessed with these really-nothing-girls? Kates and Pippas, Jade Goody(maybe I shouldn’t say anything about her now, considering she’s dying, but all she ever did was take part in a reality show, and pass a racist comment..which definitely isn’t a good thing to do), Paris Hilton(OMG, seen anyone dumber? At least, if she had been good looking... )

{Kate, and that’s Holly Branson behind her, btw. Sir Richard Branson’s daughter. She's seen in the same circuit, finished her medical studies and ended her medical career to join the Virgin empire..but she did save a man's life in an airplane once}

What have these people achieved that make them worthy of being common household names among the existing human civilization? They aren’t accomplished entrepreneurs, great thinkers or even talented actors! These girls simply provide the dream most people want to live-be rich and famous and attractive without having to do anything! You don’t need talent, you don’t need brains, in fact, you don’t even need to look good! What can be a better deal in life? These girls represent the materialized hopes and tears of millions of girls worldwide who have worked and not had their hard work pay off, dreamt and see their dreams shattered.. girls who have been teased for being fat or ugly, girls who couldn’t afford to buy a ridiculously expensive lipstick the size of their little finger, girls who would rather be skinny and attractive than be smart and respected. These celebrity girls stand for the hole in the soul of the common woman. If you think about it, doing away (away from the spotlight, I mean!) with these girls couldn’t really affect anybody. Normal girls might just stop spending so much time poring over pointless newspaper reports and glossy magazines and articles on the internet. The paparazzi will continue to have a field day with actors and wardrobe malfunctions and politicians and rock stars!